To the moon and back...

September 10, 2009....Emma Shae Daniels steps foot into her first year of many in the public school system. And folks, she loves it. What about it does she love, you ask? Not all that sure. We only got a few details out of her. But when I threatened her with not returning if she didn't listen and behave, her eyes got all big and she begged me "NO!". Anyhow, here are the few details we did get out of her.

Nana: Did you have recess?

Emma: Yes....I mean no.

Dad: Did you read books

Emma: Yes. I dunno.

Mom: Did you make friends

Emma: One girl told me she liked my locket. She's five, when I told her I was five too she gave me a high five. She was wearing purple.

Mom: What was her name?

Emma: I dunno.

Neighbor (Bev): What's your name?

Emma: I dunno.

The day started with her crawling into bed with me at about 4:30 am. We both fell back asleep...my arms draped around my once wee babe turned 40 lb girl. I drifted back into that last hour of slumber praying for this first day of school to bring a smile to her face. I got up to shower, and midway into my morning routine heard her footsteps approach the bathroom....then her smiling face appear. "It's gonna be a good day", I said. She dressed in the outfit that had been picked out for days, then looked at me, clad in stretch cotton capri's and an Oregon hoodie and says, "You going to wear that to walk me to school?" "Yes...", I said. "How about we look at your work clothes, " she says as she opens my closet. She presents me with one of my newer work shirts and instructs me to put it on. Mind you, SHE IS FIVE. And she already cares about my appearance. I am just thankful she did not order me to also wear my peep toe heels as I escorted her the three blocks to her new school.

We spend the walk holding hands, and getting a shout out from her dance teacher that lives nearby as she yells over the sound of school buses and such..."EMMA DANIELS....HAVE A GREAT FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL SISTER!". With each step, the realization is hitting me. My baby made it to another milestone. A milestone her big sister never reached. All parents are proud of their kids...I know that. But with each moment of pride, I also have a bittersweet moment. As we are walking she looks at all the cars and buses and says, "What are they doing?" I tell her they are bringing kids to her school. "No," she says, "Only me. My school." I laugh...."Do you want friends sister?!"

We get to the building and I am strategizing photo opportunities to distract me from the importance of this moment. I figure we will get a shot of her leaning up against the school sign, in front of the classroom, hanging up her backpack, etc. Suddenly her teacher, Mrs. Hunter (a familiar face - as she is the grandma of one of Emma's daycare friends) sees us, walks up and takes Emma by the hand. In a moment of weakness, and supreme trust....I let go. "C'mon Emma...lets go get in line", says Mrs. Hunter. And off she goes. I get no goodbye kiss. No hug. Emma has a somewhat confused look, but I think I am the one more stunned with the sudden goodbye. "Goodbye Em, I LOVE YOU," I yell amidst the buzz of elementary kids. And I walk away. Alone. One hand holding a camera, the other my cell phone, a heart holding pride...and eyes holding back tears. I call Rich to give him the play by play and distract myself from the events. "Did you cry?" he asks. "No," I say with a lump in my throat.

Three hours later I go to pick her up and she sees me and runs. "Mama!". At first I think she is crying, but upon getting her stunning freckled face directly in front of mine I see that it's pure joy. Not necessarily because she sees me, but because she appears to have just had an amazing time. At least I think so. I'm not so sure why. She gets a battalion of questions about her day from me, Rich, grandparents, neighbors. She claims to not know what she did today, but she loves it. And she wants to go back. And my dear girl, you will get to. And I hope I am as proud of you every September as I was this September.

I end the day with tucking her into bed and saying these words, "I love you to the moon and back Miss E." She smiles and says,"No you love me more." Yes, yes I do.